At the hospital the doctor asked me if I was scared of flights or if something was really scaring me as I was flying the next morning. I honestly could not pinpoint it and didn’t even understand why he was asking me that. Not at any point he mentioned anxiety or panic attacks, he just said, go home and get some rest.
I just couldn’t see it or I didnt realise my constant state of stress was manifesting itself. I was totally oblivious at it. My stress wasn’t a “I’m busy stressed running around, I have too much to do.” Not at all. If anything I wasn’t doing much and didn’t want to. I was sad. Depressed. Woke up crying, went to bed crying. Everyday for 6 months.
I was in a transition time of my career and life in general, I was changing work, letting go of certain people and remember feeling quite wobbly… but what I didn’t realise was that I was still doing things I didn’t want to do. I was also very scared of what would happen to me once I stopped dancing, something that I used to define myself for sooo long.
On the day of my panic attack, I had come back from a dance rehearsals and was travelling the next day to Sweden to perform. It was a big job and money was fairly good for a week of work. And I needed the money.
TRUTH is I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t care less of being there. I had checked out of my dancing career mentally and certainly didn’t wanna be around any industry people doing the small talk and all that. I felt at a low and needed to stop and look after myself but I totally ignored it that went on the job. I ended up feeling really unwell on the job, but again ignored my feelings, emotions, physical state and just push through four intense days of work.
After this job, I paid for it. I was bed bound for 5 days with severe fatigue, emotionally low, and short after started having gut issues and other small symptoms that meant my immune system was struggling.
Nowadays I get anxious but I often know exactly why… and that’s because EVERY SINGLE DAY, I check in with myself, I try as much as I can to listen to myself, to honour my feelings and my body.
Checking in EVERYDAY — Journaling/ how do you feel and why? Write it down, speak it out loud. This always helps seeing things from a different perspective. Also it’s about getting those thoughts, feelings out of our heads into paper.
Meditation— I’ve gone back to meditation about 8months ago, and I hope I’m never stopping again, because it has transformed me into a much calmer person. I’m nowhere near as reactive as I would usually be.
Human connection— reach out for help, connect with a friend, a coach, a therapist. See them in real face to face. Talk to them , hear their voice. Share your feelings, don’t keep it all to yourself.
Physical activity— Movement has so much power, it has the ability to lift our mood by boosting our endorphins and getting us on a high. You then feel better and raise your vibration.
Saying No—- Learn to say no to things that don’t serve you,to people that drain you, situations that increase your anxiety. It’s great wanting to be there for others, but you won’t be able to give much to your loved ones if your own tank is empty.
Loving circle— and not everyone deserves your energy. That might sound harsh but it is true. You will come across or perhaps already have friends that will drain you, suck all your energy and leave you feeling unsettled. It takes a while sometimes to realise but when you do, take some distance. Protect your energy and listen to your gut.
