Meditation. Desperation got me started…then I stopped

In 2012 my stress and anxiety levels were at an all high. I was also depressed but didn’t realise it back then.

I was in a period of transition and felt really vulnerable. I’d just broke up from a long and intense relationship, had the realisation that I didn’t really want to dance professionally anymore and had no clue what I wanted out of life.

From my perspective, things were not looking great.

So during the 2012 Olympics, I took 3 months off my work and life in london  and headed home (Lome in Togo).

Plantains, fried yams, blasting sun, friends and family weren’t going to solve my issues but it was comforting and I needed that.

I needed to build up some courage and strength, before returning to London, to face…nothing but myself.

Fast forward a few weeks after my return, I was desperate to feel better and get my shit together, so I gave meditation a try. My bestie Dunya, kept bragging about it so I thought why not. It took me a while to get into it, and to be honest first few times my thoughts were so crazy that I barely even meditated.

Now looking back what I was craving was structure and probably self-love as well. 10 years travelling as a dancer, moving out every year, couch surfing, living the high life was seriously taking it’s toll.

And believe it or not , daily morning meditation eventually gave me that structure amongst the chaos. Getting up everyday and having at least that 1 thing that was a constant was slowly giving me stability and confidence to take some actions to get myself out of my dark hole.

I was enjoying this moment where I could just sit, listen to my breath and be. Without judgement.

Alongside with other lifestyle changes (diet, asking friends for help,getting pro active ) I started feeling calmer. I was still fearful  inside because I was unsure of my future but I was calm and focused.

As I felt better everyday, my outlook on things started to improve, I started doing less meditation and eventually totally gave it up.

Since then I’ve jumped in and out of it, often when times were hard and I needed my brain to simmer down. And I think perhaps that’s when I got it wrong.

Meditation I don’t think is a in and out thing, it takes time to build it up so commitment is necessary. .

Meditation teaches us about ourselves, and because we are constantly evolving as individuals it’s a great tool to have for stability. Not just when we are down, even in happy days meditation can bring you so so much and I’ve truly experienced it this year.

My clients often ask me does it actually work?

Yes it does. I have myself experienced the benefits of meditation many times. Calm, focus, increased inner happiness, better sense of myself. 

I am by no means a meditation guru, but I’ve learnt everything I know by practicing it. And what i learned was all about me. Meditation itself has no hidden secrets to find, it’s all about YOU. Who you are, your feelings, your fears, your joys, your thoughts…. that’s what meditation brings a light on.

I’ve started meditating again religiously since June/July 2018, and have been feeling the best I have in the past 5 years.

It takes time to get into it but  patience and guidance  get you there.

The important thing to remember is that all meditation asks for is for you to SHOW UP (physically and mentally)

Whether you decide to sit down in silence or lay down and focus on your breath or on a guided voice, do it mindfully. That’s meditation. Thoughts will come and go, don’t pay them attention, and if you do, release them and bring your mind back to your breath. There is no right or wrong. 


Here are some of my favourite resources

Guided meditation is a great way to start

My own, meditation music playlist. This is will help you get in the zone .

Boho Beautiful Youtube Guided meditations are great! Juliana has a soothing and kind voice and also a beautiful soul

Gaia is a great online space, if you want to learn different type of meditations with a vast array of teachers. Something from everybody here!

If you are London based, Triyoga offers some great 30min meditation classes accross all their centres. They are great to pop in to take yourself out of the city hustle…

There are also great apps on the phone  you can use. They are very popular and a lot of my clients and friends adore them. I’m not a huge fan phone of the apps I came across but if you have one that you swear by, please share in the comment below xxx


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